Cowboy SEAL Christmas by Nicole Helm

Author:Nicole Helm
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2018-07-30T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter 14

Gabe knew he’d heard her exactly right. No matter that her voice had cracked, no matter that she looked like a panicked bird, he knew exactly what she had said.

Much more than that, he understood that she meant it. It was certainly no secret at this point that they wanted each other. The problem was in the complications. Unfortunately, when it came to complications, he couldn’t let his dick lead.

“Bad idea,” he managed to say, though his voice was still as strangled as it had been when he’d made the first attempt to leave. As though his throat were fighting against everything his brain needed it to do.

“Why? I know you’re not naive enough to misread my invitation. I thought it was against guy code to turn down sex with an unattached, willing woman.”

“Monica, I’m…I’m a bad bet.”

Her eyebrows drew together, and she studied him. Maybe because of everything she’d said earlier, or maybe because he was this close to having all of her, he didn’t see it as he usually did. Not a predatory, under-the-microscope analysis so she could unravel his psyche. Simply a woman trying to understand a man’s cryptic statement.

He was probably losing it.

“I guess that depends on what the bet is,” she said softly.

All that softness was way too tempting. “Look.” He swallowed because he needed a moment to remind himself why he was being noble here. He wasn’t a particularly noble guy. Not like Alex. Not like Jack. If he’d had a noble impulse in him, it had been eradicated long before he’d joined the navy. Though he supposed the military had given him a certain sense of what was right and what was wrong.

Hurting Monica would be wrong and, more, he wasn’t sure he could live with himself if he did hurt her.

“Look,” he repeated, finding his voice again. “Obviously I’m attracted to you and would like to…” Jesus. He’d never had trouble talking frankly. Why was he now? “Stay,” he finished lamely. “But there are a million complications and even if I had the wherewithal to work through them, the bottom line is: I’m not like Jack or Alex. I’m not looking for my happily ever after. I don’t want to settle down. I don’t want to have kids. I don’t want to build some…life. I don’t want those things, and I figure someone like you probably will.”

“I guess I wouldn’t rule it out,” she said slowly, as if mulling that all over very carefully. “But I can’t say I’ve ever spent much time hoping for those things. I did settle down, and I did have kids. I’ve loved and lost, and I can’t say I’m too keen to do it again. But even if I wanted to want those things or started wanting those things, I couldn’t go after them. At least not with you.”

It was on the tip of his tongue to demand what the hell was wrong with him that she wouldn’t, but that was stupid, considering he’d just told her he didn’t want those things.

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